Understanding the self, the acquisition of meanings and the creation of values.

Perception is reality. All things become beautiful beyond measure once we can understand how they work and their relationship to self. Without meaning, there can be no value.
                                        -Frank Hernandez

             
                     Ever since I can remember I have been myself. Even when I dig out ancient memories that go back to when I was two years old. I remember carrying these imprints of experience with me all my life. This massive and intrinsic array of thought and emotion has given shape to my own self. But what is the self really? I had a whole different arrangement of ideas when I was two, a primitive understanding of meanings when I was five, a faint idea of who I was when I was thirteen, a whole deal of emotional confusion when I was eighteen, a traced plan of action and goals to manifest the reality that I wanted when I was twenty five and a solid set of values now that I am thirty one. The structure of my body has completely mutated. Even every single cell in my being has been fully replaced thousands of times.  All these variables have changed in reaction to experience next to the coefficient of time. All except one. I still remain myself. What is this concept that can change, evolve and still retain the purity of the original substance?

                   I have asked men and women from different nationalities, diverse backgrounds, social status, educational level and even religious belief. All the answers have been different. Some simple, others very complex and confusing, most of them starting with I think or in my opinion. None of them arriving at a concrete unified idea that can describe or define the ego. Modern psychology's description of the ego is: "The one of the three divisions of the psyche in psychoanalytic theory that serves as the organized conscious mediator between the person and reality especially by functioning both in the perception of and adaptation to reality". This definition implies that the ego exists in relationship with and separate from the person and reality. The current dictionary definition of self is: "The entire person of an individual". Agreed but what defines the individual? The current definition of the ego is:  "The self especially as contrasted with another self or the world".  Again one arrives at vague and relative answers to the mystery of whom or what we are.

                From a historical point of view humanity has been greatly influenced and somehow shaped by the nature of the self.  Civilization was born and evolved according to the social demands of the self. Philosophy and science were born out of the urge of the self to find a relationship with the whole of reality. Culture and the fine arts are expressions of the self-appreciated by the self. Great wars have been fought over the survival, freedom or expression of the self. Extreme amounts of energy and resources are employed at a global scale for the safety, betterment or satisfaction of the self. Even most religions are founded upon the necessity of the individual to define a relationship between the origin of self and that which is greater than the self. I find it interesting that we have been compelled to orbit around this idea for so long without ever realizing exactly what it is. I have come to believe that our purpose in this universe is to actually understand and fully realize who we are. It does not surprise me that so many great minds like Plato, Aristotle and even Einstein devoted whole lives to this noble task.

                 I strongly desire to discover a new meaning for the self, an objective definition to the nature of our existence. This is why I practice introspection on a daily basis. I have found out that when I consciously manage to slow down thought processing, when I step back from the constant bombardment of the senses and enable myself some  time of cognizant rest within my own mind; something interesting happens. I can disassociate myself from most meanings and values. I am able to observe and consciously rearrange my thoughts and the way in which I perceiveand act upon reality in a creative way and from an outside perspective. Consciousness of consciousness . It is the conscious victory of the self over the subconscious.  The self becomes empowered by an awareness of the choice to think and not by thought itself. I cannot yet arrive at the conclusion that this new perspective, this pure awareness of self-controlled acting force is the absolute nature of the self. I still have to abide by preexisting rules and biases of the mind and cannot deny the already created pathways in my brain. I will try to portray my understanding using the following example:  Let’s imagine that we are experiencing the life of a young boy. We meet a girl and befriend her. Then we ask mom: why is she different? She has no pipi mommy! Our mom does a wonderful job at explaining and creating a female aspect of the human personality in our young minds. A new meaning is born. An idea understood and conveyed specifically by language. The brain has created new synapses and remembers the feeling and experience of encountering this human counterpart. We learn what it means to feel good because we magically desire the succession and repetition of this new experience.  We become teenagers. Now the girl is in the process of becoming a woman. Somehow her presence has a different meaning, we attribute to the experience a different value, why is it that the hours go so fast when I am with her? Suddenly the geometry of her body becomes interesting and we start noticing that the shape, color tones and relative distances between the features of her face are the best thing we have ever looked at. Her smile is brighter than the sun. Just the feeling of her skin is enough to have us daydreaming for three weeks.  A new meaning appears, a new perspective that we unequivocally know has value because we want to experience more of it. We want to connect with it. Thus is beauty  born in our minds. Without a point of reference we know that she is beautiful. Time goes by and she has become a woman. Now there is interest from both parties. A conversation becomes romantic. The inevitable attraction of two opposing poles. The coming together of so many meaningful yet different aspects has formed this new network of neurological pathways. We get charged with an even more powerful feeling, we have to express it!  A hug, a kiss, an explosion in the brain, the mind no longer pays attention to the meaning of this. All that matters is the direct experience. Life makes perfect sense now. Nothing else even begins to compare in scale. We are in love. We add more time to the equation and a pair of rings. We get married. Our connection has become social as well as romantic. We make love for the first time. Oh wow! The energy from the clashing of all this variables has now reached a wonderful climax of unimaginable sensation. The brain does not even bother to map this amazing experience; it knows it can't.  Our two souls have come out of their bodies, fused together and are now one! A few seconds have become a moment in eternity. We have time to explore infinity and be back in time. But it gets even better. She is pregnant, a child is born. The two opposing poles of the segment no longer oppose, we have become a triangle. A common denominator of both has redefined our love. This new meaning has an infinite scale, an immeasurable absolute value. Now we have arrived at the concept of family and all our energy and effort is consciously dedicated to the uplifting of this wonderful Ideal. We have fully identified ourselves with this reality now. We live and die for it, we have become it. Thus is the self synthesized in and by reality by the acquisition of meanings and the appearance of values.

                After studying the mind for a few years I have come to understand that its dynamic mechanism of symbiotic coordinate relationship with the self is what builds the personality. This synergy of intellectual function eventually forms a complex of mental patterns and ethical traits marking and often individualizing a person. We act in a very specific and unique way in the presence of different people. In a sense our behavior is dependent on our personal relationship with others and with reality.  Who are we really without the influence of others in our personal space?  A self-aware individual observes, evaluates and tries to improve his own behavior on the basis of previously defined types of conduct and its associated consequences. This is what liberates us from the clutches of animal behavior; from the controlling forces of impulse and instinct. It empowers us by augmenting the quality of the effects from the causes of choice. The self evolves from automated cognitive response to a pure volitional and intellectual force. From dream to awareness. I can't help but to think that we are in the process of becoming. We exist both in potential and in actuality. Our character which I define as the way we manifest ourselves in this plane of reality is constantly evolving based on the acquisition and understanding of new meanings and the synthesis of new values.

                I am compelled to believe that somehow there is an underlying intellect responsible for man and the intrinsic array of interconnected patterns that forms our universe.  The incredible results that emerge from the relationship between sentient volition and reality have forever transformed my view from chance to purpose. The cosmos and everything that exists within the scope of our perception is made out of this substance we call energy. Recent scientific findings prove that space is a manifestation of energy. Even time is a variable in the equation of energy. Energy occupies space and manifests events that when perceived by man creates the notion of time. The space-time continuum. Energy, space and time are quantifiable; they can be understood and measured precisely using mathematical values and formulas. But how does one measure the qualitative value of energy when perceived by the senses? Can we really say that the beautiful feeling of a first kiss exists in space and time, and if so does it have mass? We can attribute mathematical values to rhythm because it is measurable in the frequencies of sound but can we do the same with the exquisite feeling and appreciation that arises as one listens to a harmonious romantic melody?  To what do we attribute Love, beauty, gratitude, empathy, compassion, ethics, imagination, creativity and all of these subjective treasures of the self? Is the dynamic harmony of these values that emerge when man experiences and expresses reality the product of chance? I can hardly think so. I believe that the self is one with everything; the fusion of all universal constants and variables. It has a meaning, what truly varies is the volume of the sphere of consciousness if each individual. It has an infinite absolute value, it has purpose; a whole that truly is greater than the sum of all the parts but that we have yet to experientially realize.